Life Laid Bare

I wonder often why it is that we aren't better at hiding things.  

If it were up to me,

 my life would go on entirely in private 

and no one would be any wiser about all 

of those embarrassing things that I go through day by day, 

but unfortunately that is not the case.   

Unfortunately people find out about all

those embarrassing things that I go through day by day.  

And they laugh about all

those embarrassing things that I go through day by day.  

So I laugh about all

those embarrassing things that I go through day by day.  

But I'm not sure they are really all that funny.  

and I'm not sure 

that my laughter is really

 an accurate reflection 

of my heart.  

and I'm not sure

 that my laughter is really

 an accurate reflection 

of my pain.  

and I'm not sure 

that my laughter is really a reflection.

but I am sure 

that my laughter 

is really 

a deflection.

So  like Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden

I find myself covering my shame with a fig leaf

and everyone is gazing through its holes

So I laugh 

because my fig leaf has holes in it

and if I'm laughing I don't know that anyone is looking through the holes in it

but the truth is

everyone is looking through the holes in it

and My shame 

is laid bare

My life 

is laid bare

My pain 

is laid bare

and my laughter

 is a lie

So I find a leaf without holes

but it's still 

a leaf

and my bossoms are still    

bare

my midriff still        

bare

my buttox still   

bare

I am still 

bare.

So I pray to God to hide me from my shame

but then I remember

that in the garden

 we were not created with shame

I am created to be 

laid bare

So when do I drop the leaf?